New school-> awesome!

My other school-> also good.

Work-> 24 hours a week with kids, which is hard to handle especially when you still need to study yourself but it's great!

New passport-> GOT IT!

Application form for the American visa (and the rest of documents)-> done.

Application form for the schoolarship in China-> done.

Tickets to Sweden-> booked.

Money for the tickets to Japan-> saved.

Now, I need to call American Embassy and schedule the meeting. I'm sooo stressed about it!

Wish me good luck!

So I changed the school.
A few things made me do it but I also relized I didn't want to do the Teaching English specialization anymore.
I always wanted to be a translator/interpreter so I decided to change my specialization and now I'm going to study how to translate/interpret things. And I like it!
I got to know how to teach English during my English Teaching Methodology classes I had last year and that was a nice experience. (It's also all I need to still be able to teach.) But I felt I had to change it as soon as possible.
Some people say it was a big move... It was or not, I think the most important thing is that it was a right move.
My only fear was if I would get right on the second year. I was worried they might have not let me start from a second year. But after they got my grades and other things they did let me! So I'm happy I didn't lose a year and I'm on my second year as I should be.

I also keep studying Chinese which is sooooo hard!
I'm the yougest in the group but also I'm the only one who studies English (as a main thing). The rest of people study Japanese so they know most of Chinese characters (many of them are similar in Japanese and Chinese).
Anyways... It just means I have a lot of work...

After I know where I stand with school (it got pretty complicated at one point) I can do all the things that include my "travel plans" for this year and the next year.
As everyone knows I love to travel.
So I already have tickets to Sweden where I plan to spend my New Years Eve with my best friend and some other people.
The next step is to buy tickets to Japan (I've already saved money for them) where I want to spend my winter break.
And... the most challenging- getting my visa and saving money to visit the States next summer.
I guess it shouldn't be a problem with getting the visa or with saving for tickets (I found pretty cheap ones) but with saving money for living there!
It scares me but well... I'm gonna do my best to save as much as possible hoping my work won't kill me.
And if it will and I won't be able to fully afford the trip to the States then... I will visit USA some other time.
But for now I hope to handle everything believing it's worth my effort.

"You were on my mind at least nine tenths of yesterday
It seemed as if perhaps I'd gone insane
What is it about you that has commandeered my brain?
Maybe it's your awesome song or maybe it's the way
When I look at your face I can tell that you're not going to be stopping soon or even slowing down
And if we keep up this pace pretty soon we'll know the name of every kid and every grown up booking house shows in their town.

And if home is really where the heart is
Then wer're the smartest kids I know
Because wherever we are in this great big world
We'll never be more than a few hours from home
And that's important because I need to travel
I've had this itchin in my shoes since I was just a little kid
And before I had a mini van I road the Greyhound bus
My mom would say "I hope some day you get paid for being Kimya Dawson"

And now I do and it's not much
But it's enough
I've got my Scrabble game, food on my plate, good friends and family
And now there's you understanding why I do the things I do
Knowing that you do them too makes me really happy

On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again

From a distance, the world looks blue and green
And the snow capped mountains white
From a distance, the ocean meets the stream
And the eagle takes to flight

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be do do do do do do
I'll be the greatest man of your life

'cause I like going for hikes and riding bikes
And playing video games in the middle of the night
And I'll stay up late and I won't even care
That we're getting up early to go to the state fair
I'm gonna ride the biggest ride it'll be out of sight
Then I'll share an elephant ear with you if you'd like
Because we are alive so we've gotta live life
To the fullest you spin the bottle and I'll dim the lights
Four five six seven minutes in the closet

You were on my mind at least nine tenths of yesterday
It seemed as if perhaps I'd gone insane
What is it about you that has commandeered my brain?
Maybe it's your awesome songs or maybe it's the way
You go straight to the top you're not scared of getting squashed
You know just when to jump off
You're so brave
And then you run to the right it seems there's no hope in sight
And you drop down to the tube that takes you right to level eight

Life is a highway and I'm gonna ride it
Every day's a winding road yeah
My rollercoaster's got the biggest ups and downs
As long as it keeps goin' round it's unbelievable"

What is a relationship? How do we imagine it? Is it the stereotype of a guy who works and makes money and his wife who sits at home and cooks and every day waits for him with a dinner? Or is it just a couple - two people living together? And what if there is a great distance between them? Is it still a relationship? What are the rules?
I was curious as to what is the definition, the basic information... this is what I found:

"A relationship is a particularly close interpersonal companionship. It is in such a relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are confidants of one another, or a relationship in which there can be physical or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic or passionate love and attachment, or sexual intimacy. Love is an important factor in physically and emotionally intimate relationships.
Though the term is notoriously difficult to define, any thoughtful inquiry into the subject will show it to be qualitatively, not only quantitatively, different than liking, and the difference is not merely in the presence or absence of sexual attraction. According to one analysis, love in relationships is divided into two types: passionate and companionate. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate). Companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy and is not necessarily accompanied by physiological arousal. People who are in an intimate relationship with one another are often called a couple, especially if the friends and family of that couple have ascribed some degree of permanency to their relationship. Such couples often provide the emotional security that is necessary for them to accomplish other tasks, particularly forms of labor/work."

Well... It seems to be so obvious. Two people - they know each other, they trust each other, they even love each other (and as the definition says, it's an important factor) and there is not only passion between them but also affection and willingness to just be together.

But I have a feeling, very often it happens not to be this way anymore. People still want to be in relationships but only in those which are comfortable - short lasting ones where actually only the passionate love is important. Not a companionate one, no providing of emotional security. And I don't mean one night stands or open relationships, no. Just people that don't care about these things anymore, people who are in relationships but they don't need anyone for the emotional security.
But then, some questions appear: What are the rules again? And what actually made this change in our attitudes and values? Whose fault is it and who made the decision about it? Guys or women?

Woman used to be the one that took care of the house, kids, and of course her husband worked hard and made money. And so? Was it a bad deal?

I guess it was because one day women decided to work, vote, and have the same rights as the men have. (And honestly... Were the guys happy at this point? I don't think so.)
The roles of woman and man as well as the rules of relationships have totally changed. Now, we see nice looking ladies who walk or drive their cars to work. They are office managers, directors, journalists and always busy, always in a rush, going somewhere to meet with people, to organize another event or sign something.

The thing is, they want to be independent. Do they just want to? Or maybe they secretly know they have to be because they can't rely on guys? What did guys do to make women feel so insecure? Did they become lazy? Did they stop trying? Or maybe both? Or maybe they are the ones that want a relationship to be short and based just on the passionate love and nothing else? If so, maybe thanks to it, girls know they can't count for any security or they are aware they will be left alone sooner or later? That would be horrible but unfortunately it happens more and more often. More and more often I meet guys that even say that aloud. They want to have girlfriends because it's nice. Of course it is! But the reasons they give, telling why it is nice, are not really the ones that girls would like to hear and to make it clear, no emotional security is mentioned.

And well... relationships like this also works for some women. But today even the independent women (that seem not to need anyone) have still those "old-fashioned" instincts to take care of their men. And if they, as it appears after some time, do not care about anything then.... Is taking care of them worth? I guess not. It only hurts that guys don't appreciate what we do for them and our trying becomes pointless.
In my mind, men are really amazing creatures when it comes to some things but when it comes to being affectionate, sensitive, honest or thankful they fail more and more often. I just wonder why. Why do they run away from real relationships so often? Things like affection or somebody's support used to matter to guys. Now, they don't. Why so many men treat women only as experiences? Did we change so much that you don't want to be with us for more than a month...or a year?

Also... Let's be honest - sometimes it's so easy to fall in love with a guy but from what I noticed, very often girls are just afraid to take such a risk. No wonder. They don't show their feelings too quickly and they also don't believe all the things that guys tell them (compliments etc.) not to get hurt afterwards. Guys also like to disappear from time to time. This also doesn't make us sure about what they really want.
It brings back the question about rules but also... how to be with a guy without getting used to him and falling in love with him? Is it possible at all?

There was always this sweet game between a guy and a girl (which now is much more complicated but still...) We follow instincts, intuition. Our observations, conclusions are the only instructions which we women have...

The first message, then the second one. A phone call on the next day or later. A meeting point, a date...then a sleepless night because he was so cute and charming and of course her hope that there will be something more. "Maybe he will even fall in love with me?", "Why not?", "I bet there was something more when he said it was nice to meet me." But the truth is, that at this point when these "13 years old girl thoughts" come to us we should stop being so naive or we will be very disappointed.
(Many girls know they just should tell themselves "Hey, be careful - he was nice but it doesn't mean anything." but there are some who will strongly believe the guy loves them.)

Well... Sometimes he texts her after some time, she texts him back, they have another date, he walks her home, she invites him upstairs, they spend wonderful night and wake up with a relief. On the next day he thinks he won and she hopes she hurt him at least a little not texting him saying how nice it would be if they meet again sometime in future.

But sometimes after their first meeting, the guy just disappears. It doesn't matter what he said before. If he said it was wonderful talking with her or not, he's going to be busy for the next few weeks. And after she doesn't think of him anymore he appears again randomly asking how her life is going. She's confused but believes he really likes her. And again he disappears for some time just to text her in a month asking if she would like to go on a trip with him. Should she forget about her plans she had and go with him? Or maybe she shouldn't take him seriously at all because it didn't seem like he was treating her seriously from the beginning?
Isn't it too much? What kind of game is it? Is it a game at all?
Maybe guys are just becoming weird.

And if there is a great distance involved? If a girl meets a guy from foreign country over internet, they can talk for a pretty long time, he seems to like her, says it would be nice to meet in real life but unfortunately he can't visit her because he won't get even a few days off at work, should she care at all to put an effort into saving money just to visit him instead?
What if it was just a game and he didn't make it clear before she bought a plane ticket?

Of course, sometimes a guy really falls in love with a girl, he still meets with her, he's still cute and charming and after some time they live as a happy couple. Of course, sometimes a guy is really busy and has no time to meet or talk although he would love to. And of course, sometimes the feelings expressed over internet are honest. I would be cruel if I said it doesn't happen at all. But I have a feeling, men that want to be in a serious relationships will be soon counted as endangered species.

So maybe we really shouldn't waste time looking for a right guy but keep working on building our careers?
And maybe Marilyn Monroe was right in saying that a smart girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she's left?

I hate all the last moments, the last trains and the clocks.
I hate long distances.
I also don't like hedgehogs that suddenly appear on my way with their sharp spines. Wet leaves or foggy narrow streets.

But I do like the letter "M", red hair, empty railway cars, oranges and dotted shoes.